For Her
by Silvercry
Summary: ENDING SPOILERS! KOSMOS's thoughts at the end of the first game. Very light ShionKOSMOS


Author's note:  I do not own Xenosaga.  If I did, I would have released each episode one month at a time and spared us all the agony of waiting one to two years for Episode Two.  I am not making any money from this story.  Don't sue me; all you'll get is my PS2.  Also, I wrote this at my office when I should have been working.  If I misspelled the name of the final level, sorry, but that's life sometimes

For Her

_"You'd better come back, KOS-MOS!  You'd better!"_

KOS –MOS, because she was what she was, had perfect recall.  Every moment, every  action, every nuance she had ever experienced was stored in perfect digital clarity in her computerized brain.  Even now, as her fingers flew over the keyboard in Proto Mekaba's control room, her most recent memory found it's way to the forefront of her mind.

            Her blood red eyes, cold and analytical, stared straight ahead at the monitor before her.  Her expression betrayed no emotion, no hint to of the complex calculations that ran through her mind as she accessed the facility's separation commands.  Security lockouts and password protections were disposed of quickly.  Even MOMO, who had intimate knowledge of the facility's operations, would have been hard pressed to access the necessary programs as quickly as the battle android did.

            No one could know the know or even follow the her thoughts as they ran through her mind with a speed that rivaled light.  But if they could, the might have sounded like this:

     Final Password Lockout: Decyphered.

     Preparing to initiate Sub-Compartment Separation.  Confirming progress of Shion's escape. There was a pause of mere nano-seconds.  Distance to the Elsa is acceptable.  Initiating separation now.

     With the final button pushed, the monitor's screen change from it's default color to a deep crimson with the word: DANGER prominently displayed.  KOS-MOS began to turn, when suddenly Shion's face and last words suddenly filled her mind.

            _"You'd better come back, KOS-MOS!  You'd better!"_

            The words themselves were not remarkable.  The emotions in the voice were easily identified as well.  Fear was present, of course. As was desperation and frustration.  Normal human reactions for the current situation.

            Emotions were not directed at herself, or the others.  Emotions were directed at this unit.

            This realization froze KOS-MOS for a few, critical seconds.  For an android, that constitutes deep thought.

            I was the only one who could accomplish this task as return to the Elsa in the time allotted.  Yet Shion did not desire me to do this.

     Illogical.  Shion is well aware of my abilities.  She must have been aware of this fact.

     Yet she became overly emotional at my decision.  She was – afraid for me.  What could prompt this reaction?

     Based on my current understanding of human emotions, such a reaction would occur only if one human cares a great deal about another.

     Illogical.  Shion could not feel that way about me.

     Could she?

     This brief mental dilemma, which took place in about 5 seconds, would have fascinated  any member of the KOS-MOS project, too include Shion and the 'late' Kevin, had it been monitored.  As it was however, KOS-MOS was alone in the control room.  She stood at the terminal 'lost' in thought, until the first sub-compartment separated, shaking the entire facility as she brought back to the here and now,

            I have delayed to long, she thought even as she turned and began to _move_ at  a great speed as only she could.  I must rejoin the others.  I must make it back to Shion.  

     Proto Mekaba was falling apart, at the seams, just as planed.  By now everyone was safely aboard the Elsa, which was good because the walkway leading to the ship was already a pile of rubble.  KOS-MOS was aware of this well before she reached that point and changed directions accordingly, her face still impassive, her mind constantly making adjustment after adjustments, taking in the lay of the land as it kept shifting and falling, trying her absolute best to get as closet to the ship as possible as quickly as she could.

            At present speed and course, there is only a 13.5321% chance I will be able to reach the Elsa.  My chance of success is unacceptably low.  The wisest course of action for those aboard the Elsa would be to depart now.

     Shion would never leave me behind.

            Such of thought would have inspired hope or warmth in another person.  For KOS-MOS, it only prompted other thoughts and questions that bogged down her CPU at a time when she really couldn't afford to have her attention divided. 

            Shion is as aware of the situation as I am.  Her survival should be her primary concern, as it is mine.

     Which is more important, her life or mine?  Would she stay just to save me? Even if she means her own death?

     Unacceptable. Shion must live.  If the only way do that is returning to the Elsa intact, then I will do so.

     Her sensors suddenly picked up on the ignition of the Elsa's Logical Drive engines.  The Elsa was departing at last.  Time was up, Shion was leaving.

            In that instant, all of the considerable computing power that lay within KOS-MOS locked on one simple objective.  The questions ceased, her self-preservation program took a sudden and all but impossible backseat to this new objective.  Had she been in her right mind, she would have seriously reconsidered the wisdom of what she was doing as she rerouted the energy output of her X-Buster weapon to her R-Cannon link.  She tracked the direction of the Elsa and took off toward it, trying to anticipate where it would be once she reached the wall at the end of the hall she was in.  She was still a few hundred meters from it when she raised her arm, pointing it at the wall that was between her and her goal, the heart of this new objective.

            "Charging," she said simply as her arm re-formed into a cannon.  Once the transformation was complete she called out: "R-CANNON!"

            The cannon, a formidable weapon in it's own right, now ushered forth a  focused azure blue bolt on annihilation as the power of the X-Buster coursed through it.  The attack hit the wall, and it began to buckle and bend as KOS-MOS raced toward it, her thoughts still locked on one simple desire:

            I must make it to Shion.

     There was a sudden explosion as the wall gave way, and she jumped.  The explosion temporally scrambled her sensors, so the jump was blind.  She could only hope the Elsa was where she had estimated it would be.  And so an android made a leap of faith…and she cleared the fire of created by her exit, her arm already re formed in mid leap, she could see she had been wrong, her calculations off…she  was going to miss the ship.   

            "KOS-MOS!" 

            It was her voice! KOS-MOS realized even as she began to fall…then she could see her, at the main  airlock to the ship, her hand outstretched ready to catch her

            I knew she wouldn't leave me.

     Their hand met and clasped tightly.  But it wasn't enough.  The android was too heavy, the ship still moving too fast.  KOS-MOS's other arm was limp at her side; the strain of the modified R-Cannon attack and then banging into the side of the Elsa had rendered it inoperable for a few minutes.  A few minutes they didn't have.

            There is so much I want to ask you.  But now the chance is gone. she thought as she looked up at Shion, struggling to pull her in with all she had…and only succeeding at being pulled out herself.  KOS-MOS wondered where such a thought would come from for about a second.  The she let go of Shion's hand.

            Another hand grabbed hers at the last moment.  Surprised for the second time ever in her short life, KOS-MOS looked up to see the cyborg pulling her into the ship, his cybernetic enhanced strength more than up to the task.

            As the Elsa made its escape, Shion and KOS-MOS collapsed to the floor just inside the airlock, one from relief and exhaustion, and the other to give her systems a few idle moments to repair some minor damage.

            "KOS-MOS," Shion said, trying hard to keep her tone light, "I should really put you on a diet."

            KOS-MOS turned to face her, her mind spinning to find a suitable response…and finding nothing.  None of her programming prepared her for this moment, and none of the confounding thoughts and ideas she had in the last few minutes seemed to clear things up for her.  So she remained silent, blinking impassively at her creator.

            Shion suddenly grabbed her in a rather awkward embrace.  "Thank goodness," she all but whispered.

            And as illogical as it was, as impossible as it was, (and in a few moments, another crisis would push it from her mind) KOS-MOS was happy.


End file.
